PART III - 10 MAY 2005 MICROCASSETTE RECORDING TRANSCRIPT

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RESUME PLAYBACK 

PATRON A 
And they always want you to say “Yes” before they give you the price. Why? Well, it's key.

PATRON B
The — ?

PATRON A
That's right. It's the key. The key to selling anything. Don’t ever let the mark ever say, “No.” 

PATRON B
Mm. 

PATRON A 
Like at the gym. They always want you to sign up for a personal trainer. Or when the phone company badgers you into buying the latest in voicemail technology. And don’t even talk to me about car dealerships. 

PATRON B
Yeah. Dealerships. 

PATRON A 
So many people want to sell you this great thing, this great service. Never mind what you can afford. 

PATRON B
Uh-huh. 

PATRON A
Or… maybe… Maybe I’m a space alien. Because, me? If it costs too much? I’m not buying it. End of story. End of conversation. You go stick your installment plan up your rump. Right up in it. Jam it up in there. Your five, ten, thirty thousand “easy” payments of nineteen ninety-five. Screw your “First Month Free.” What, after the first month you expecting me to win the lottery? 

PATRON B 
Yeah. 

PATRON A
But, no, maybe this is how the rest of the world operates. Maybe everybody’s taking a cue from the government, you know? You know, seeing that Capitol Hill spends all that cash faster than the mint can crank it out. 

PATRON B 
Yeah. Congress. 

PATRON A 
Really, though? Really? I’ll tell you. 

Sure.
Why not? 

It’s ‘cause I have no life.

Result? 
I save my money. 
Guess that makes me some kind of alien freak. 

Sure. 
Why not? 

Ole Ebenezer Scrooge? Alien freak. 

Hey but whoa… 
He didn’t have any friends. 
Nope. 

Not... 
until… 
he started…
spending. 

Scrooge? Guy went nuts. “Seeing” ghosts and all. 

Yeah, well. That’s what happens. What isolation does to a guy. 

Ya know… 
I’ll tell ya… 

It’s just like Brad Pitt. 

What his character says in 12 Monkeys — says somethin’ like: “Buy a lotta stuff, you’re a good citizen. But if you don’t buy a lotta stuff, what are you then?” 

PATRON B 
Wh… 
I… 
What? 

PATRON A 
“Mentally ill.” 

PATRON B
Mm. Good one. 

PATRON A 
Good flick. 
Prescient. 
You wait. 

Give it… 
Give it, oh… 
ten — fifteen years. 
Twenty tops.
Fifteen. 

PATRON B 
Mm. 

PATRON A 
But I’m willing to bet that the closer you are to bankruptcy… the more popular you are. And will ever be. At least, the more interesting you are. My pops? He’s an accountant. Never in debt, this guy. Most boring human being you could meet. Most boring human being on the face of the planet. 

PATRON B
Well, you know, accountants… You really don’t want them to be — 

PATRON A 
Yeah, sure, yeah yeah. But if you’re about to file chapter six or thirteen or whatever chapters you’re supposed to file, you’ve been livin’ it up. Right? You’ve been makin’ somebody… 
happy. 
Happier. 
No? 

PATRON B
Uh… 

PAUSE PLAYBACK

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